Questioning

Is my current job the right one for me? Lately I've been having a hard time going to sleep in the afternoon and waking up in the evening. What usually happens is me trying to sleep at noontime, but eventually drifting off to sleep four or five hours later. And the hardest part is trying to sleep from 7-10pm, while telenovelas blare from the TV in our room while my mom and sis watch.

Yesterday there's been a flurry of movement in the center, because of the current reassignment of positions (and not to mention the downtime we had during the first few hours). I asked my supervisor about the possibility of a reassignment, but no go. I'll just have to try to stay alive in operations.

Can't wait for March next year... Maybe then I'll be able to find my true career calling.

No More Excuses, Philippines!

Our country is in a dire situation right now. Oil prices have gone nowhere but up, the cost of living is becoming too expensive to be afforded by our fellow countrymen. Salaries stay almost the same, we have so much problems with traffic, garbage, crime, graft - you name it, we've got it.

What can we do? Do we need new projects?

I say (and a lot of other people say this too), we don't need new projects. What we need are new ways to implement existing projects. It's there already - from traffic rerouting to garbage segregation - the works. Basically our main problem is discipline (or, shall I say, the lack of it). If all people were disciplined enough to keep their candy wrappers in their pockets and wait till they get to a proper trash bin to throw it out, then our streets would be a lot cleaner. If our drivers were disciplined enough to follow the traffic rules and regulations, then our roads would be a lot less congested, and fewer accidents would occur.

The thing is, we always tend to put the blame on a lot of factors - the MMDA is not doing its job properly, we don't have good roads, garbage collection is almost nonexistent, we're not getting support from the government, much-needed funds for country-wide development projects are being used for country clubs and mansions of the corrupt officials, etc., etc. The question that arises now here is, SO WHAT? Should we worry about who to blame for everything, or should we worry about what we can do to help lessen these problems?

We should not be so hasty as to assigning a scapegoat for our problems. All of us - myself included - are guilty as to why we are all suffering. We are all guilty for our lack of self-discipline. No more excuses, Philippines! It's time to stop quacking, get off our asses, and start actually doing something to lessen these problems, one small step at a time. Believe me, big accomplishments start with small steps.

Join Rock Ed Philippines and start making those small steps.

Friends?

"I can't carry it for you, Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you..."
- Samwise Gamgee in LOTR: The Return of the King

What is the mark of a true friend? Is it the one who says that he will stand by your side, no matter what? Or is it the one who will not say anything more, but just stay with you throughout your darkest hour?

I Ain't Changin'

It's funny how people will always talk behind your back. Even those whom you counted on as friends. It's quite sad, really, especially when these people are saying nasty things, like how cowardly you are, how bad, how nasty, etc., etc. I had a sudden moment of insight - no matter what they say, these people are the real cowards, when they can't even work up the guts to face you and say these things to your face. Pathetic, really.

To my detractors and would-be detractors: say anything you want about me, my lifestyle, my personality, but you ain't changin' me. Say you know me, but I know myself better. I ain't changin', especially just to suit your needs or just to please you. If I do change myself, it will be because I wanted to, not because you told me to.

Updates

Blogger's Note: At last I've been able to update my blog (that should be all right with you, Gaget)...

It's 3:45 am right now, and we're not doing anything as of the moment. We're supposed to make calls (in short, work), but systems are currently down as of the moment. So as I sit here doing nothing, I can hear my officemates either snoring away or crowding around our team leader's desk as they try to guess every word in Text Twist. Just goes to show what people would do out of boredom. And speaking of boredom, I'm bored... Sigh.

I'll be planning to update this blog weekly, or (if I can manage it) a few times a week. Or whatever, whenever I can manage it.

Humdrum

Monday morning: wake up, have breakfast, watch a little TV
a little later: grab lunch, then watch more TV, then sleep for 8 hours
Monday evening: wake up, eat dinner, take a shower, get dressed
Monday midnight - Tuesday morning: "I need to speak to the person that's in charge..." ad infinitum
*Repeat until Saturday morning
Saturday noon: grab a bite to eat, then sleep for 8 hours
Saturday evening: wake up, eat dinner, shower, get dressed, go to (insert gimmick place here)
Sunday, 2 or 3am: go home and sleep for 5 or 6 hours
Sunday morning: wake up, eat breakfast, shower, get dressed, leave for mass
Sunday noon: go to (insert restaurant name here), eat lunch
Sunday afternoon: wander around
Sunday early evening: watch a little TV, sleep for 8 hours
**start all over again

I guess this is why most of my friends have been telling me (when I was still a student) that nothing beats going to school. I used to be disbelieving, until I experienced it firsthand.

I guess this is what it means to grow older. Even if you try to deny it, a sense of routine will always overcome you. But it doesn't mean that you have to live with routine all your life.

Thought of the day: Be spontaneous.

Yatta yatta yatta.

Heard During Office Hours...

Person 1: "Asan na yung kape ko?"
Person 2: "Kinuha ni _____..."
Person 1: "Mga magnanakaw..."
~~~~~
Person 3: "Nakailang benta ka kanina habang kasabay ka namin sa inbound?"
Person 4: "Naka-apat akong benta..."
Person 3: "Lahat galing sa amin?"
Person 4: "Yup..."
Person 3: "Magnanakaw ka... Layas!!!"
~~~~~

It's quite funny, once you hear these things being shouted almost at the top of their voices, especially the term magnanakaw. I dunno, but maybe it's just another form of camaraderie. It's kinda hard to describe only using the written words, since you can't even begin to describe the flavor of these exchanges, but it's funny, especially if you get to hear them in person. =)

Tagged

It's obvious that I don't have anything to post. Anyway, here's something I got from Anna...

three names you go by:
1. AJ
2. Arriane
3. James

three screen names you have had:
1. s3cr3tiv3
2. -=DSD=-
3. Body Shot Boy

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes
2. hands
3. ears

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. tummy
2. thighs
3. feet

three parts of your heritage:
1. Filipino
2. Spanish
3. (not sure what else)

three things that scare you:
1. not-so-benign ghosts
2. really high heights
3. really tight places

three of your everyday essentials:
1. cellphone
2. money
3. glasses / contacts

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. Hale
2. Michael Bublé
3. Mike Francis

three of your favorite songs:
1. Blue Sky (Hale)
2. The Way You Look Tonight (Michael Bublé)
3. Let Me In (Mike Francis)

three things you want in a relationship:
1. love
2. trust
3. openness

three lies and truths in no particular order:

lies:
1. I'll eat almost anything
2. I have a very radical outlook
3. I'm ultra-conservative

truths:
1. I can't see clearly without my glasses
2. I procrastinate on dieting
3. I swear a lot

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. body
3. (the last one isn't physical - actually, this will always have the highest appeal for me)

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. reading novels
2. blogging and reading other people's blogs
3. hanging out with friends

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. sleep
2. go on vacation
3. movie tripping

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. graphic arts
2. literature
3. IT

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Bali
2. Seychelles
3. Cayman Islands

three kid's names you like:
1. Lauren
2. Sophia
3. Martine

three things you want to do before you die:
1. go kart racing
2. (hmmm... haven't really thought of it)
3. (hmmm... haven't really thought of it)

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. I go out for sports
2. I'm a bit dense at times
3. I eat a lot and belch loudly ('specially during nights out with the guys)

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. I have my nails done regularly
2. I love to cook (or at least, experiment with cooking)
3. I watch chick flicks without flinching

three celeb crushes:
1. Reese Witherspoon
2. Elisha Cuthbert
3. Jennifer Garner

Tag 3 bloggers:
1. Aglaea
2. SMD Kai
3. Gaget

Back Again

It's been quite some time since I last had the time or the energy to blog. Yeah, yeah, it's been less than a week, actually. But hey, I was almost constantly online during the past two months, and a few days of me being offline - that's something almost unheard of. Maybe it's one of the few disadvantages of having to get up to work. You sacrifice something in order to continue working. In my case, I sacrificed my almost daily fix of the World Wide Web.

It's quite hard not to be able to go online as often as you used to. I kinda miss my old life, when I used to have the luxury of leisure time. But I guess that it's a sign of the times. As you get older, you gradually seem to lose leisure time. It's something like this - when we're young and in school, we always wish that we already were finished with school and that we had jobs, so that we'd earn money in order to be able to spend it on leisure. Now that we're done with school, here we are wishing for that lost innocence, when we didn't have to worry about income tax or trying to please your boss or whatnot. Which goes to show that people will never be content about every aspect of their lives. There will always be something that will make them realize that something is lacking in their lives.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



9Ball Cafe, Tomas Morato, Quezon City
June 18, 2005

Yatta Yatta Yatta

I got my first paycheck last Saturday. Technically, it wasn't a real salary as of the moment, since it was, as they said, a "training" allowance, but still, it feels good to finally be earning money on your own. I've been in training for two weeks, and I've only gotten my allowance for the first week, but they said that we'd be able to get the allowance for the second week sometime this week.

I'm getting kinda used to the work schedule by now, but my only problem is surviving the weekends. I could make do by going on nightouts on Saturdays, but then again, Sundays would be another problem. Just like what happened last night and this morning. I went out with my workmates on Saturday night, just to celebrate payday. We ended up drinking up to around 2:30 am, and then went cruising for still-open billiard halls. End of story: I went home around 3:30 am, fell asleep at 4:00 am, woke up at 6:00 am, went to church with the family at 10:00 am, had lunch at 11:30 am, went shopping from 1:00 pm to 3:30 pm. Tiring.

Adbentyur Tweeping

Nothing much to tell. Oh, I watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith with my brother and sister at Greenbelt. We were supposed to watch at the Gateway Mall, but the number of people was unbelievable. So we opted to go instead to Greenbelt to watch.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: Astig *thumbs up*

Oh, and I also bought my first ever original audio CD. I bought a copy of Hale's new album at Music One. And, like others before me, I think that the album was a steal at P250. I mean, it's really worth every peso. ;)

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh... can't finish this post due to all the messages in YM. Maybe I'll finish this sometime later. :P

Mama Fund

Mama Fund

I implore everyone to please click the above link. Here I am hoping to help in some small way. I figured that I could do my part by spreading the word, so that more and more people would be aware.

Nothing touches the heart more than a parent's love for his/her children, or the children's love for their parents.

Pichur Pichur

Okay... A few pictures of the very fun time I had in Zambales...



Which of us is the real Supah Bins? *ROFLMAO



DMC's beach tradition



The inuman sessions



Cards, anyone?

Special thanks to Tim for the pictures.

Zambales Part Deux

My shoulders and the back of my neck hurts. It's been a while since I've had a sunburn like that after swimming. Mostly because I usually went swimming during the early morning or the late afternoon, when the sun isn't too hot. This time was an exception, though. I went swimming at around 11am or 12nn. And I stayed until around 2pm. Then I went back for more after a few hours. No wonder I got sunburned. And I've got darker skin - darker than my usual complexion. Ha ha.

There are a lot of pictures that were taken during the outing, but I still don't have copies. Maybe I'll upload a few (of course, with Tim's permission - it's his camera, anyway), but I'll have to wait first.

Attendees: Iki, Adolf, me, Tim, Aaron, Yzza, Alvin, Donna, Baji, Larae, Billy, Mike, Abet, Timmy, Gaget, Bobet, and Sonny.

Details later. My skin hurts. :P

Down

I'm not really in the mood to blog right now. I just needed to give my mind and my fingers some exercise. (Exercise for the body will come tomorrow, so there.)

Lately I've been feeling so down. Doesn't often show since I usually am quite good in concealing my feelings, but I read somewhere that it's a very unhealthy way to cope. Instead of paying a lot of money for a shrink (err, excuse me... a psychiatrist, I mean), I'll just do my own psychoanalysis.

Alter-Me: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing much. Just some pressure coming from lots of places.
Alter-Me: And why is that?
Me: It's almost June. It's been two months, and I still haven't got a job.
Alter-Me: Is that all?
Me: No, it bloody well isn't all. I'm getting tired of the same old routine everyday. I wake up, loaf around, eat lunch, do my chores, loaf around a bit more, do other chores, loaf around still a bit more, eat dinner, loaf around again, and go to sleep. Frankly, it's getting boring having to sit around the house with nothing to do except look at the four walls of my room, and then go to my parents' room to look at the four walls, and then go downstairs to look at the four walls there!
Alter-Me: So, basically, you're having trouble adjusting to the routine that's slowly being established in your life after college.
Me: Not only that, but I get added pressure from seeing almost 85% of my batchmates with jobs. I'm happy for them, of course, but I can't help thinking that I should be working already. I should be in that position already. I should be this, I should be that, yatta-yatta-yatta, etc., etc., etc...
Alter-Me: ...
Me: That's pretty much it. I should finish whatever I still have to finish, so I can find a nice decent job that offers a more-than-decent compensation and benefits package. Sigh.
Alter-Me: Good luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watched Star Wars Episode III last Friday. Now everything becomes clear. All I've got to say about the movie. Obi-Wan (to Anakin): "You were the chosen one!"

Also watched Madagascar yesterday. Just the barrel of laughs that I needed to at least start to pull myself out of the funk I'm currently in right now. Gloria (to everybody): "We're not a bunch of Melmans!"

Oy vey.

Play "Misty" for Me

Eclectic. Selecting or employing individual elements from a variety of sources, systems, or styles. Key words: variety of sources, systems, or styles. The same may be said for my taste in music. I wouldn't feel out of place in a rock concert. Take me to a classical recital and I wouldn't go nodding off to sleep. Musicals wouldn't be something new to me. Of course, as with everybody, there are exceptions (April Boys, Mystika, etc. spring to mind). Right now, one of my favorite songs is Johnny Mathis' Misty. One of the many good songs of the past that still has a welcome place in my playlist (and in others' playlists, I hope). Goes something like this:

Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree
And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud
I can't understand,
I get misty just holding your hand
Walk my way and a thousand violins begin to play
Or it might be the sound of your hello
That music I hear,
I get misty the moment you're near
You can say that you're leading me on
But it's just what I want you to do
Don't you notice how hopelessly I'm lost
That's why I'm following you
On my own as I wander through this wonderland alone
Never knowing my right foot from my left
My hat from my glove,
I'm too misty and too much in love
On my own as I wander through this wonderland alone
Never knowing my right foot from my left
My hat from my glove,
I'm too misty and too much in love
Look at me...

Oldies.com for the picture, Dictionary.com for the definition of eclectic, and Let's Sing It for the lyrics.

Whatnot

I just reformatted my PC. Yesterday when I tried to use it, an error message came up even before Windows even started. Something-or-other file is corrupted, try installing a copy. Okay... I wanted to just search for the file and copy it, but my PC won't boot past that error message. Solution: Reformat PC. So I reformatted it. And now, instead of having one logical thirty-something gigabyte hard drive, I now have three logical hard drives. Whee. Downside: I lost almost all my files.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to Canon for an exam today. I was surprised to see Anna there. Anyway, it was a bit of relief to see a familiar face in a somewhat uncharted territory. Anyway, on with the exam. It had three parts - two parts on the C language (not C++, not C# - just C) and one part program simulation using EASY algorithm. Actually, the exam wasn't at all very difficult, but my only problem was that I haven't used C since second year college. Anyway, I do hope something good comes out of it.

10,000 Days

While I was browsing through Joey's blog, I noticed his latest entry about what he would do when his 10,000th day arrives. That got me thinking - what would I do when my 10,000th day arrives? I got out my notepad and started computing.

10,000 days will have passed when a person reaches his 27th birthday. Well, not exactly on his 27th birthday, but a few months after. If my calculations are correct, when this day comes to a close I would have lived approximately 7,764 days. Also, if my calculations are correct, my 10,000th day will come on July 3, 2011, a little over 4 months past my 27th birthday.

What would I do when that day arrives? Hmmm, good question, but not one that merits serious thought at this point in my life. I'd have 2,236 days to go before that day arrives - essentially, I'd have at least 2,000 days to go before thinking about what I'd do then.

But until then - carpe diem. And carpe noctem for good measure.

Reminiscin'

Last night I was cleaning out my two drawerfuls of junk and whatnot (yes, I do clean my stuff, although recently I haven't been able to attend to the task). I threw away old exam papers (some were mine, and others were of my scouts in high school), some old notebooks, a few scratch papers, and maybe a few other junk I haven't gotten around to throwing out. Anyway, I found lots of stuff in those two drawerfuls of junk. Some I kept, others I threw out. Anyway, here are some of what I found in there:

1. A handful of letters
I used to write a lot of letters to my friends during high school. And they wrote back. (Yeah, yeah, I know - what's the point of writing them when you can talk to them almost everyday then?) Anyway, I remember Peiah writing a lot to me whenever she was ranting about her then-boyfriend Kenny, or teasing me about Reiah. Unfortunately, I didn't know where I put her other letters - I only found one.

Also in that stack of letters were all the letters that Xiameer wrote to me (at least I think that was all, I can't remember exactly how many letters we've exchanged in high school). Anyway, this was during the time when I was courting her, and I think that period spanned a little over seven months. But, we were only destined to be friends.

2. High school retreat letters
More like notes, really. My classmates wrote notes on various materials. I even received an NBA card as a retreat note.

3. My old high school uniform with the dedications
It's traditional with every graduating batch (at least, I think it is). I had a very nice time remembering all the people who wrote dedications on it. Sadly, I couldn't remember a few of the others who wrote there.

4. Graduation pictures of my entire high school class
And I mean entire class. Those were the pictures that were supposed to be included in our high school yearbook (which never came out due to a lot of factors). I think that has got to be a record - almost every person looked like gay people with pasty complexions (no offense meant - but that was how terrible the pictures were. Blame it on the photography studio, or maybe the makeup artist).

5. My ex-girlfriend's picture and her first letter to me
These items were sent to me by my ex-girlfriend approximately 2 years ago. Seeing this got me thinking - I loved her, but at the time I found that our relationship was a bit impossible for me, since she lived in Mindoro, and I was based in Manila. The most we would have been able to meet would've been a few times in a month, and that was if I traveled to UPLB, or if she traveled to UST. Sigh.

6. My old prelim exam paper
College, first year, second semester. Mathematics 102C - Discrete Mathematics I. This was the only exam paper I kept in all these years. I was proud of that paper - still am, as a matter of fact. Not only did I get one of the highest grades during the exam, even with almost improbable odds I got a score of 113.5 over 108.5 total. Like my sister said when I showed her that paper last night, Weird.

Trips down memory lane can be soothing, or it can be disquieting. Good thing I found last night's trip to be soothing. Good for the heart, mind, and soul. Pax.

An Open Letter to the One

Taking risks is a part of life - there's no getting around it. Without risks, life has less meaning. So anyway, here I am taking risks. I've postponed this for too long.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To the Brilliant, Shining One:

There are a lot of things I should've told you. Well, not really a lot of things, but maybe some stuff of substantive importance that I should have let you know before now. Mainly what I never did realize until now. I remember during the start of our third year together, how you were a bit taken with him. And what happened when he went for someone else. I never did realize during that time what I felt.

After that, I would find excuses to talk to you, even for the most trivial of things. Back then, I know I should have recognized the signs. I guess I never really recognized it because of what I thought your reaction would be if ever I did come out in the open with it. Or maybe because I was still perceived to be quite taken with another mutual friend who I happened to have courted in the past. Reasons don't matter - at least, not anymore. What matters is that finally I've realized something that my subconscious self has tried to bop me in the head with over the past two years - I've silently fallen for you.

Maybe it was your quiet strength. Maybe it was your uncommon grace. Maybe it was your intellect. Maybe it was the fact that you were able to poke fun at me. Maybe it was the siomai we ate way back. Maybe it was something I've never seen in another girl before. Maybe a lot of things - but one thing is for sure, I've fallen in love.

I'm not sure whether you'll ever be able to read this (I might just discreetly let you know). But whatever - that won't change the fact that I've already fallen hard.

With love always,

-=BSB=-