I Don't Want To Be Anything Other Than Me

I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me.

I was watching American Idol with my sister (I wanted to watch WWE Raw, but I didn't have a choice - it was my sister's TV set, anyway), and I heard Bo Bice sing the theme from One Tree Hill. Got nothing more to say to bo except for two words: You rock!

This song actually conveys a special meaning for me, as it addresses what I really am about. I don't want to be someone's something for as long as I live; I don't want to live on as just a copy of another person. I have my own identity, my own idiosyncrasies, my own opinions, my own ideas, my own principles. This song just puts it all into perspective - I don't want to be anything other than me.

CS2K5

Well, this may be a bit late, but better late than never, right? Just a few words of gratitude to the people who helped make my college life worthwhile.

Rheza A - thanks for showing me what it means to care. Kaso lang, gaya ng sabi ni Eric, nang-iwan ka. Hehe.

Anna G - thanks for all the help during our programming sessions, and our review sessions as well.

Lian - thanks for beating a sense of responsibility into me, and also for the study sessions as well.

Jerry O - thanks for all the rides. Sorry na rin kung madalas ma-late ang bayad ko sa mga prepaid. Hehe.

Gheof H - thanks for staying by my side for most of our four years together. Kambal. Hehe.

Abi C - thanks for introducing me to the world of blogging, message boards, etc.

Rouie T - thanks for the guidance, especially during the last year of college. There are a lot more that I want to say, but maybe this isn't the right place to do so.

Mike O - thanks for the laughs and the support.

Dya B - thanks for all the help, as well as the laughter.

Kheng B - thanks for pushing me to do what I can do.

Edwin J - thanks for putting up with me as a seatmate. Sorry kung di kita napakain nung birthday ko. Utang ko na lang muna yun.

To my thesis groupmates, Darren S and Jed A, thanks for putting up with me as well. Kaya natin 'to!

To the rest of the PuccaFam, Reg Q and Donnlyn V, thanks for the friendship and for adopting me as part of your group.

To the rest of the CSA guys past and present, Eric A, Harry B, Mark B, Carl C, Tintin C, Aaron C, Gatz C, Glen D, Mark G, Joseph G, Regi G, Gervin L, Alex L, Marco L, Nigel M, Allan Manangan, Martin M, Steeve M, Dennis N, Khrek P, Poleeh P, Barry P, JP R, Roque R, Leah S, Odin S, Bryan S, and Tomas V, we may not have always seen eye to eye on many things, but that is what made our class the way it is. For this, no words can convey my expression of gratitude towards you guys.

To the former CSC-turned-CSA guys, Cholo A, Diane B, Joel B, Stef C, Elliel DG, Kat DJ, Darwin D, Pyke E, Philip G, Marvin H, Lele L, Wally L, and Camillee Y, thanks for putting up with our class and accepting us for what we are.

To our friends from CSB, namely: Jonathan C, Rachelle L, Edwin N, thanks for everything.

Cheers to all our futures, may we all live and prosper.

Got nothing better to do, so...

1. Whose picture you keep on your wallet?
---> Lotsa pics. Mostly of me. :P But I do have pictures of other people there. Gradpics of KJ, Pi, Lian, Rachelle, Gheof, and Jerry; Vanity pictures of myself taken at qf Studios (Kuya Mike's a photographic genius); Group pictures of the CSA PuccaFam; and threesome pictures of me, Maye, and Piya.

2. What time do you go to bed?
--->Anytime from 9:30pm to 6:15am

3. What was the last thing you did before u filled this up?
---> YM

4. Who's the person you're gonna call if you need help?
---> Hmmm... Whoever can best help me with whatever I'm dealing at the moment... I mean, you can't just approach one single person with your problems all the time now, can you?

5. What's on your mind now?
---> Blessed sleep in the arms of Morpheus

6. Who's number on your speed dials?
---> 1: Home; 2: Mom; 3: Dad; 4: Bro Hans; 5: Sis Fitz; 6: Baji; 7: Gino; 8: Gaget; 9: Tim

7. With whom do you wanna be to have fun?
---> DMC, CSA PuccaFam

8. When was the last time you went out?
---> Went out as in went out went out? Last month

9. What do you hate the most for now?
---> Not having the desire, the energy, or the money to be able to go out...

10. What do you wanna do for now?
---> Finish our thesis, get a job, earn cash

12. What do you do for everyday besides eat and sleep?
---> Spend time on the Internet looking for solutions to our thesis problems

13. What pisses you off?
---> Insensitive people, and those anally retentive and paranoid schizophrenic people who insist on making my life hell by claiming that I was the one making their lives hell

14. Fave pet?
---> Spike, Napster (both dogs, but my mom gave them away), and Carlito (a cat)

15. What are the colors that make you happy?
---> Blue

16. Most fave thing in your room?
---> Aside from my books? Mini radio

17. What was the last thing you bought for your room?
---> Books (wala talaga akong binibiling iba eh)

18. Any instruments in your room?
---> Nada

19. Do you cook?
---> Sort of... I mean, I experiment and all, and sometimes my mom asks me to cook dinner... that's it

20. Are you satisfied with your life now?
---> Pwede na, although it can be more worthwhile if only I had something constructive to do

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Again, many thanks to Gaget for giving me another something to post :P

Too Old for Cartoons?

A lot of people say that about me. "You're twenty-one, for goodness' sake" or "Isn't anything better on?" These are the usual things that I hear whenever someone sees me watching cartoons. But what the heck, I like watching cartoons.

Take for example, The Fairly Oddparents and Jimmy Neutron. Just today I watched the Jimmy - Timmy Power Hour, where Jimmy and Timmy crosses borders and switches worlds. Here, Timmy becomes a three-dimensional version of himself, and accidentally sends Jimmy to his room, where Jimmy becomes a two-dimensional version of himself. The resulting chaos is hilarious, and they both struggle to restore order in their own worlds. But enough about JTPH.

Now, who doesn't know this face? Yup, it's Spongebob Squarepants. I actually like this cartoon because of the silliness of the main characters. I mean, who would have thought of substituting peanut, garlic, and ketchup for ice cream, nuts, and chocolate syrup in order to make an ice cream sundae? (By the way, in this particular episode Spongebob and Patrick end up destroying a moviehouse because of a severe halitosis cloud).

Now, a cartoon not for the weak of heart (and stomach). Happy Tree Friends may look like your average, cute, "girly" cartoon, because when you get your first looks at the characters, you know that they just seem to ooze cuteness. But hold your horses - they get in more trouble than they're worth. Think "Spongebob" meets "Celebrity Deathmatch". Here's one cartoon that's definitely not for kids.

Stripper by night, super-heroine later at night - that's Stripperella for you. Voiced by Pam Anderson, Stripperella promises to make the most lubricious men to rediscover the joy of cartoons. Stripperella airs next month on USA (ch. 17 for Home Cable, not sure which channel on the other cable providers).

So, who says cartoons are only for kids?

King Nothing

Wish I may
Wish I might
Have this I wish tonight
Are you satisfied?
Dig for gold
Dig for fame
You dig to make your name
Are you pacified?

All the wants you waste
All the things you've chased

And it all crashes down
And you break your crown
And you point your finger, but there's no one around
Just want one thing, just to play the King
But the castle's crumbled and you're left with just a name
Where's your crown, King Nothing?
Where's your crown?

Hard and cold
Bought and sold
A heart as hard as gold
Yeah! Are you satisfied?
Wish I might, Wish I may
You wish your life away
Are you pacified?

All the wants you waste
All the things you've chased

Then it all crashes down
And you break your crown
And you point your finger, but there's no one around
Just want one thing. just to play the King
But the castle's crumbled and you're left with just a name
Where's your crown, King Nothing?
Where's your crown?

Huh!

(Spoken)
Wish I may, wish I might
Have this wish, I wish tonight
I want that star, I want it now
I want it all and I don't care how

Careful what you wish
Careful what you say
Careful what you wish you may regret it
Careful what you wish you just might get it

Then it all crashes down
And you break your crown
And you point your finger, but there's no one around
Just want one thing, just to play the King
But the castle's crumbled and you're left with just a name
Where's your crown, King Nothing?
Where's your crown?

Oh, You're just nothing
Where's your crown King Nothing?
Oh, you're just nothing
Absolutely nothing
Off to never, never land

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A song fitting for the greatest pretender to ever walk this earth.

Follow-up to aaaaaaarrrrggghhhhh

What a day (And the day hasn't even ended yet). I've spent most of my afternoon sitting and twiddling my thumbs in a corridor, on the twelfth floor of a certain building in Emerald Avenue. I wasn't twiddling my thumbs around for nothing, though - I was waiting to be pre-screened for referrals by JobsDB to certain companies. Well, after twiddling my thumbs and looking up and down at my seatmate (I exaggerate, but I am extremely bored at this point), I was finally called to take the exam. Which was very very very VERY easy. Then another session of thumb twiddling before I was called again for the interview.

Interviewer: So, where do you see yourself after two years?
Me: (Hopefully I'll be in a long term relationship, financially stable - insanely rich, even - and out of the country.)
I: Yes?
M: I'll still be working very hard even though I've achieved my immediate goals. Hopefully after two years, I'll be well on my way to achieving my long term goals.

The good news: I got three referrals to three companies. The not-so-good news (it still ain't bad, no matter how you view it): all three referrals were for tech support and outbound telemarketing. Oh well, que sera, sera.

So, my schedule starting tomorrow would be something like this:
Friday - go to the Civil Service Commission and apply for the Career Service Professional Eligibility Exam; if laziness doesn't hit me, proceed to SSS East Avenue to apply for my Social Security number
Saturday - search for stuff that will help get the thesis done
Sunday - go to church, then out to lunch, and then later... The Jimmy-Timmy Power Hour! (God, I miss being a kid)
Monday - get up early and take the exams and sit through the interviews. I've got Branders.com at 10am, and Client Logic at 1pm. Good thing they're both in the Ortigas area.
Tuesday - get up much earlier than usual. This time I've got Convergys at 8am.

Que sera, sera...

aaaaaaarrrrggghhhhh

Got nothing to say really. As Gaget puts it, "yowch".

Two Things

Got this from Gaget, who got it from Friendster...

1. TWO NAMES YOU GO BY:
- AJ
- Arriane

2. TWO THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- too objective
- moody

3. TWO FAVORITE PARTS OF YOUR BODY:
- eyes
- hands

4. TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
- autophobia
- paranoid schizophrenia
(I don't have these conditions, but I put them here because they scare me... well, not the second one so much, it's just disturbing)

5. TWO THINGS U NEED EVERYDAY
- 'Net fix
- food

6. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS @ THE MOMENT:
- Metallica - King Nothing
- Fairly Oddparents Theme ("Oddparents / Fairly Oddparents / 'Wands and wings' / 'Little crowny things'")

7. TWO PERSONS YOU SPENT TIME WITH THE MOST THIS DAY:
- mom
- dad

8. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
- reading books
- write (whatever springs to mind - a poem, a lyric, a blog post - anything)

9. TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO REALLY BUY RIGHT NOW:
- books, books, and more books
- a new phone

10. TWO CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
- systems analyst / programmer trainee / quality control inspector / anything in the IT field
- writer / novelist

11. TWO PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION THIS SUMMER:
- Zambales (oh, wait, I've been there already)
- Bataan *wink wink*

12. TWO OF YOUR FAVOURITE PERSONS: (except family members)
- Gaget
- Donna

13. TWO THINGS YOU DID YESTERDAY:
- watched cartoons (The Fairly Oddparents, Rugrats, Thundercats, Danny Phantom)
- browsed for jobs online

14. TWO PERSONS THAT YOU MISS A LOT?
- Rheza
- Rouie

15. TWO FOODS THAT YOU'RE CRAVING TO EAT?
- Friday's Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad
- IBP's Grilled Tuna Belly

16. TWO FAVORITE SUBJECTS IN HS/COLLEGE:
- Software Engineering
- Systems Resource Management

17. TWO OF YOUR FUNNIEST MEMORIES IN COLLEGE?
- Tintin's debut (Jed getting drunk and falling asleep on the gutter outside Tintin's house in particular)
- Donnlyn's bloopers

18. TWO PERSONS THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND NOW?
- Rouie
- Gheoff

19. TWO ELEMENTARY FRIENDS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE RIGHT NOW?
- Jops
- JC

20. TWO COLORS YOU LIKE?
- blue
- black

21. TWO COLLEGE FRIENDS YOU WANT TO TALK TO?
- Bro' Jar
- Gheoff

22. TWO THINGS YOU'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO
- play Ultimate Frisbee
- buy a car

23. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HANG OUTS?
- Starbucks ABSCBN
- IBP

24. TWO FAVORITE PERFUMES?
- Davidoff Echo
- Ralph Lauren Blue

25. TWO THINGS YOU WOULD DO AFTER THIS?
- turn PC off
- go to sleep

Misunderstood

Misunderstood. Definitely what I'm feeling right now. No, not feeling - I am misunderstood right now. Everywhere I turn, another misunderstanding flares up. Almost whatever I do, they think I'm up to something. I go to my room - they think I'll be doing something nasty. I'm not eating much - they think I'm depressed. I don't laugh as much as I used to - they think I'm a regular Johnny Raincloud. Stuff like that - I mean, how much do I have to eat to convince everybody I'm not depressed?

Sometimes, even everything I say is being used against me. What the hell is this, a legal proceeding? Anything I bray may be abused against me in a sort of caw? Er, I mean, "say", "used", "court", "law"? What, I'm not allowed to speak my mind freely any longer? Ridiculous.

Damned

... if I'll just lie on my back waiting for an attack
... if I'll just let myself be fooled yet again
... if I'll just be on my defensive mode
... if I don't make an offensive
... if I won't do anything about it

And so it begins ...

Stupid Poetry

Damn I feel so stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.
Stupid for trusting you, stupid for believing you.
Stupid for even thinking I could trust you, when all others have lost their trust.
Stupid stupid stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.
Stupid for thinking you were what you weren't.
Stupid for seeing what you wanted me to see, not what I was seeing.
Stupid stupid stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

All I know now is,
I will never be as stupid again.

Korean Fever

Korean fever has definitely hit the streets of Manila, what with ABS-CBN's Lovers in Paris, Save the Last Dance for Me, Stained Glass, and GMA's Full House, and (oops, I forgot - I'm not really familiar with GMA's soaps, as my mom only watches the ABS-CBN soaps). OK, I'll admit Lovers was definitely good for a lot of laughs (I really enjoyed seeing Vivian getting into the notoriously funny situations, or her shouting "Aja!" - forgive me if I spelled it wrong, I don't read, speak, or write Korean at all), but up to this date there has still only been one Korean film I've watched and enjoyed. See the picture - it's the DVD cover for My Sassy Girl, starring Jeon Ji-Hyun and Cha Tae-Hyun. The movie was based on a story published on the Internet. I'm not really good at summarizing plot synopses (I do hope I got this one right) for movies, so I won't even try. Anyway, any plot synopsis I make wouldn't do the movie justice - one should get a copy and watch the movie himself. "Shule? Coffee masho!" (Again, I don't read, speak, or write Korean at all - forgive me if I spelled it wrong)

Outing Pix

We went to Iba, Zambales to swim, relax, and have a good time. It was just the five of us (see above pictures) plus Gheoff's two consenting adults (his sister and her husband, who, incidentally, owns the beachfront property we went to). More pictures (just click on the picture).